Seeing Others with Open Eyes

I was recently in a situation where I was not seen for who I was but I was viewed as oppressed, that my fulfillment was lies, and that I was a brainwashed sheep falsifying my own empowerment. I was seen through eyes that were shut. I was angry and hurt and felt very attacked during this moment. I left judging and baffled and ready to avenge myself.

It wasn't until I heard this beautiful speech by Elder W. Craig Zwick that my eyes were opened and forgiveness began to soften the hard parts within me. You can listen to his 12 minute speech here about looking at others through God's eyes. In my church young men and women between the ages of 18 and 19 head out for two years on a service mission. Sharing their testimony of The Book of Mormon and serving wherever they are needed in communities and vast parts of the world. It is a huge sacrifice and I am sure often times scary. Elder Zwick was a missionary President which means he was in charge of the entire area of missionaries in that part of the country. While in his office he was approached by a young man who said "I want to go home." Now I am sure this wasn't the first time he had heard this. He decided he would help this young man learn to love his mission and find a way to help him want to stay and serve. He said "Give it one more week and let's see then." The young man came back and said, "I want to go home." He kept trying to help this young man and after a few weeks of trying he suddenly asked "What is making you feel this way?" and the young man said "I cannot read." I am sure his heart broke as he realized he hadn't actually seen and heard this young man. He relates himself to a spiritual demolition wrecking ball.  They taught the missionary to read and he served a wonderful two year mission. Once Elder Zwick changed his perspective and asked about the Elder's point of view his eyes were then opened to who this young man was and what he needed.

Hearing this experience made me re-think a few things I had said in my defense during the attack on who I was and what I stand for. Yes I was being attacked with very closed eyes but was I even trying to understand this person? What caused them to say these things to me? I knew they were not true but maybe I was also viewing them through closed eyes.

"We must look at others through the eyes of the Savior. The world is filled with people in all their variety. We can't fully understand the choices and psychological backgrounds of people in our world, church congregations, and even in our families, because we rarely have the whole picture of who they are. We must look past the easy assumptions and stereotypes and widen the tiny lens of our own experience." (source)

I love what Brene Brown says, " Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued-when they can give and receive without judgement."

I like to pride myself in the fact that I like people for who they are. You do you. I don't like to judge as its a huge waste of my energy and emotional strength. But during this experience of having every thing I believe and stand for and what I have built my life on and what defined me as a woman get attacked, I dove into the pool of judgment and taking offense. I did not let that escape my lips but deep inside I was raging. I really hate feeling confused by someone and what they say. I do not feel seen or heard or valued when my opinions and beliefs are not respected. I think I am slowly trying to forgive and let go. It is only hurting me to hold on to the confusion and hurt. But this is a process. Gosh I really really desire to be more like a child the older I get. Ha ha! Children are resilient, brave, forgiving, and lovely aren't they? They see through different eyes than adults. One of my fav quotes about perspective is by Victoria Erickson, "I love being around children because children crave stories and movement and adventure. They remain curious and ask questions. They want art and dirt and laughter and mess and love. They see the world in the colors many of us forget, and so innately know how to thrive. If you can choose anything as a propellor, or the very seed to grow your own wings- let it be wonder."

I think I would like to start viewing others and myself as children. Not in a condescending way. In a loving and humble way. We are all God's children. We tend to be more forgiving and try to understand where the child is coming from. Why cannot as adults we do the same for each other?

I think a lot about how Jesus Christ did not walk around offended and boy did people attack and say unimaginable things to him for who he was. Charity is the pure love of Christ. I did not feel that while being attacked nor did I exemplify that while defending myself. I feel I stood up for who I was and what I believe in the best way I knew how. Oh but friends I could have done it with more understanding. More childlike wonder and spirit. I also could have realized it was futile arguing my beliefs to someone who's eyes were shut to me and that I could never understand them with my own eyes shut.

"We often separate ourselves from others by the differences in what we see. We feel comfortable around those who think, talk, dress, and act like we do and uncomfortable with those who come from different circumstances and backgrounds. In reality, don't we all come from different countries and speak different languages? Don't we all see the world through the enormous limitations of our own life experience? ...we live in a world that feeds on comparisons, labeling, and criticism.... to accept and love others does not mean we must embrace their ideas. Obviously, truth mandates our highest allegiances, though it should never be a barrier to kindness. Truly loving others requires the ongoing practice of accepting the best efforts of people whose life experiences and limitations we may never fully know. Looking beyond what we can see requires conscious focus on the Savior." (source)

I think the best advice I was ever given was to view my children and spouse as a small child of God. My spiritual brother and sister. Viewing myself as a child and daughter of God and being what I needed when I was little is so very important. I hope we can view each person we encounter with open eyes. I find taking a big breath helps ha ha. Thinking before reacting. I have yet to let full forgiveness wash over me over the event that took place. Again we adults tend to hold on when really it's as easy as letting go of a balloon string. I want to replace hurt and confusion with charity and forgiveness. Once again, this is lifestyle. Waking each day and saying "I will see others as God sees them" is a constant effort. But I am sure the rewards will outweigh the work as most beautiful and spiritual things do.

xxMelissa